What is the Plural of Why?

Here are a few random questions about blogging:

(1) Why have I never made it a feature of this blog to post photographs of my boomers? How about a place setting with a well-formed boomer on a dinner plate with string beans, roasted onions and mashed potatoes? There chould be a nice little garnish off to the side. Chianti.

How about a steaming stinky in a hot dog bun with mustard and relish? Meatloaf made out of my crap. Feces links done German delicatessen style. There could even be the occasional special guest dump, just like they have on TV sitcoms.

(2) Why have I never made it a feature of this blog to post photographs of scenes from famous movies using my penis? I could dress it up like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara. Why stop there? The Ten Commandments. Ben-Hur. Planet of the Apes. Get a whole Charlton Heston homage going. In fact, I think that’s what I’d prefer. Make it manly. Present my wiggle-stick as classically virile. I never much liked “Gone With the Wind,” anyway.

(3) Why have I never made it a feature of this blog to post videos of me cutting and mutilating myself to theme music based on current events in the news? I could use loppers to cut off the tip of my finger to “Who Let the Dogs Out” and dedicate it to Michael Vick. I could split my tongue with a straight razor to “I’m Bad” for Michael Jackson. I could pierce my own nipples to any song by the Gin Blossoms for Ted Kennedy.

So, you see, these are very, very serious questions, and they deserve very, very serious answers, very, very much like all those Questions of My Childhood.

Well, honestly, how good an answer does anyone ever really need to such questions? Truth be told, I've had a ready answer for years.

Do you want to know what it is? Okay, I'll tell you.

We're all taking the bus and we all get off at different stops.

Works for me, anyway.