Saturday, September 19, 2009

"Incident at Mulch Pile"

Nearby is a municipal mulch pile. Arborists dump their wood chips and you can help yourself. I go there all the time.

So I’m using a pitchfork to load up and in drives this car. Two women get out. They’re both looking around, slightly puzzled, as though they've never been there before. They seem friendly and my surmise is they are committed lesbians. They approach and they ask, “Can you give us some advice?”

I put down the pitchfork and I say to them (and this is 100% true): “There’s not much to it. Just make it easy on yourself. Once you’ve put it in as far as it can go, there’s really no point in pushing any further.”

They give each other a mischievous smile.

I turn beet red! Heck, what I said was completely innocent!

Anyway, they must have thought that my being shy was kind of cute because we end up having sexual intercourse. I give them multiple orgasms and they tell me I have a nice organ.

Afterwards, they say to me, “You have had relations with us so you are now an honorary homosexual.”

And I say to them, “I’m okay with that.”



Meade said...

I wish they all could be Zone 6b lesbians.

Bissage said...

(1) Around me, my internet friend, they all might just as well be.

(2) Since you have left Zone 6b for better things, you might like to know: (a) the dogwoods are in about one-week's worth; (b) our Thornless Honeylocust 'Skyline' is just starting to drop a few yellow leaves; and (c) the neighbor's winged euonymus hasn't budged.

Every Autumn is a little bit different. You know that, of course.

(3) "I hope we never die."

That's one of my favorite lines from "The Lion in Winter."

(Bet you didn't know that!!!)