Saturday, August 22, 2009

True Bedroom Confessions #6

What follows is a real quote from a real person. I was there to hear it. The truth of this is 100% guaranteed:

And then there was this guy who had a really big one. He looked just like a Hasid, you know, a Jew with a beard and all. I can always remember how big it was because I could just barely get my hand around it.

And he was really hairy, too. I didn’t like that but I have to admit it was a real turn-on to have sex with a guy with a really big one. I guess that makes me a whore but if I’m a whore then I guess I’m a whore. After a while I had to end our relationship because all he ever wanted to do was fuck my tits and come on me.

I remember those exact words from more than 20 years ago. They are engrafted onto my brain. And to make matters worse, those words were merely a small part of a rambling 2:30 am monologue that was delivered by a woman I knew well, but who I slept with only that one time. Doing so was against my better judgment. After all, I broke the first rule of hooking up which is "you don't sleep with crazy."

So in a way I got what I deserved. But still, I am hard-pressed to believe that any other man would have just laid there in his own bed listening to her run at the mouth about previous lovers. That ain't pillow talk.

I was then, and still am, way too polite. I mean, it's not like I was collecting little anecdotes so I could use them later in a blog or anything.

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